Today I sit in a hospital room...
Today I sit in a hospital room.
I've been up since 4:50 a.m. so that I could lend emotional support to my husband who had surgery today. I will spare the sordid details of his surgery here.
Anyway, it took four hours for the surgery and he was in the hospital for two days. During this time I happened to be reading "The Last Lecture," by Randy Pausch. Bad timing. Reading a book about a man dying from cancer and the things he learned from life is amazing, but scary when your husband is in the hospital.
I hate hospitals. I see and smell things that many people probably don't think twice about. I'm sure it is my trauma response from years of going through surgeries with Aubree. Staying at Primary Children's for weeks has created emotional responses to things that spark memories of that hard, scary time. Did you know anesthesia has a smell? Seriously, I can smell the same smell when people come out of anesthesia, no matter who the person is. It makes me want to throw up.
You know those pink bins that they put hospital gear in? I hate those. I don't like Lorna Doone cookies, either. Every hospital I have ever been to has Lorna Doone cookies. What is up with that? I hate the sounds of machines going off -- the buzz, the dings, the whir of hospital machinery. Matt was funny... while he was coming out of anesthesia, whenever the ding went off on his monitor he would holler, "I won!"
I stayed at the hospital from 5:30 a.m. until about 10 p.m. on Tuesday. I went home depressed and tired. Being in my own home helped rejuvenate me, but I also realized that I was dealing with faded memories and emotions and that was part of why I was so drained. I hated every minute of that hospital. I need to figure out how to get over that.
I've been up since 4:50 a.m. so that I could lend emotional support to my husband who had surgery today. I will spare the sordid details of his surgery here.
Anyway, it took four hours for the surgery and he was in the hospital for two days. During this time I happened to be reading "The Last Lecture," by Randy Pausch. Bad timing. Reading a book about a man dying from cancer and the things he learned from life is amazing, but scary when your husband is in the hospital.
I hate hospitals. I see and smell things that many people probably don't think twice about. I'm sure it is my trauma response from years of going through surgeries with Aubree. Staying at Primary Children's for weeks has created emotional responses to things that spark memories of that hard, scary time. Did you know anesthesia has a smell? Seriously, I can smell the same smell when people come out of anesthesia, no matter who the person is. It makes me want to throw up.
You know those pink bins that they put hospital gear in? I hate those. I don't like Lorna Doone cookies, either. Every hospital I have ever been to has Lorna Doone cookies. What is up with that? I hate the sounds of machines going off -- the buzz, the dings, the whir of hospital machinery. Matt was funny... while he was coming out of anesthesia, whenever the ding went off on his monitor he would holler, "I won!"
I stayed at the hospital from 5:30 a.m. until about 10 p.m. on Tuesday. I went home depressed and tired. Being in my own home helped rejuvenate me, but I also realized that I was dealing with faded memories and emotions and that was part of why I was so drained. I hated every minute of that hospital. I need to figure out how to get over that.
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